“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful can be devastating. Some couples call it quits after infidelity is revealed.  Some try to work through it and remain in the relationship. If you have caught your partner cheating and they’ve expressed remorse and a desire to mend the relationship, you might wonder how to tell if they are sincere. Let’s take a look at the top 6 things a caught cheater doesn’t want you to know – especially if they aren’t sincerely invested in repairing their relationship with you:

1. There is almost always more to the story – A cheater who has been caught will often leave out a number of details. Whether they do this out of guilt or out of a desire to minimize the damage depends on the person. It’s fairly common for more and more information about the infidelity to come to light in the days and weeks after the cheater has been caught.

2. They cannot be trusted… yet – A partner who is truly sorry for being unfaithful knows and accepts that it will take time to build up trust. A partner who isn’t really remorseful for their actions will pressure you for trust by saying things like, “you’re just going to have to trust me.” No, you don’t have to trust them until their actions have earned your trust again.

3. They know they betrayed you – Someone who is caught being unfaithful knows they’ve betrayed you. If they are invested in repairing the relationship, they acknowledge this betrayal honestly. If they aren’t sincere about fixing the damage their cheating has caused, they’ll attempt to downplay or minimize the seriousness and emotional pain of their betrayal.

4. Shifting blame shows a lack of sincerity – A caught cheater who attempts to shift the blame for their actions back to you is not sincere about fixing the relationship. They’ll find ways to claim you caused their infidelity by not giving them attention, not meeting their physical needs, working too much or being too involved with kids or family.

5. Impatience with the healing process is a bad sign – A partner who has been caught cheating and says things like “just get over it already,” “why won’t you let it go,” and “wasn’t my apology good enough,” is showing impatience with the healing process. A truly remorseful partner knows the healing process takes time and effort. They won’t rush you or push you to “get over it”. An impatient partner is one who is not invested in repairing the damage their infidelity has caused in your relationship.

6. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing – A big clue here is if they allow you to look at their phone. While everyone has a right to privacy, in the wake of discovering infidelity, a partner who wants to regain your trust will set that aside and give you full access to their phone to provide reassurance that the behavior is in the past. If your partner refuses to let you see or use his phone and/or accuses you of being paranoid or controlling, this is an attempt to make you feel guilty and insecure for wanting reassurance. A partner who continues to hide things from you is not sincere about mending the relationship.

If your partner has been unfaithful and is showing signs that they aren’t as sincere about repairing the damage to your relationship, there is a high likelihood they will cheat again or could already be cheating again. You deserve the truth and you deserve answers. If you believe your partner is still cheating, Bulldog PI can help get the evidence you need to make the best decision you can about continuing or ending the relationship.