Discovering that your significant other has cheated can be one of the most crushing experiences of any relationship. Many cheaters swear their indiscretions had nothing to do with whether or not they love their partner. To the partner who has been betrayed, this can make very little sense if the cheater really loves them. So why do people cheat? The answer is different for men than it is for women.
Why Men Cheat
Forget about blaming evolution or biology! Those are just cop-out reasons for cheating. Here are three of the top reasons men really cheat.
- The relationship has changed – Relationships go through many stages from intense passion, to comfortable, to insanely busy and often inattentive. Men crave and need intimacy both emotional and physical just like women do. It’s natural for relationships to grow and change over time but when those changes result in intimacy issues, particularly for a prolonged period of time, many men find other women to fulfill the needs no longer being met in the relationship.
- Boredom and lack of variety – While this reason may sound stereotypical, it’s unfortunately true – even more so if the man perceives he can satisfy his craving for unique experiences and a variety of partners without being caught. Men who cheat out of boredom often see their secret conquests as a way to satisfy their needs while preserving their primary relationship and family life.
- It’s not you, it’s him – Even when men cheat “because they can”, there is usually a deeper but less transparent motive. Cheaters in this category use the thrill of the act of cheating as a way of self-medicating emotional or psychological pain. While others may self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, some men subconsciously self-medicate with infidelity. Teetering on the edge of discovery combined with the excitement of the forbidden behavior releases a potent cocktail of endorphins and hormones that creates a high for these men – a high that can become just as addictive as any drug.
Why Women Cheat
Women are more likely to view sex and love as intertwined concepts, whereas men typically view sex and love as two distinct and separate things. Thus the reasons women cheat tend to be different from the reasons men cheat.
- Loneliness and disappointment – The archetype of the lonely housewife has persisted as long as it has because there is a nugget of truth to it. Women who experience loneliness and a loss of emotional connection in the relationship develop a deep level of disappointment that they seek to remedy with someone outside of the relationship.
- Bad, bad romance – Lack of romance, loss of passion, bad sex… all can lead a woman craving intense and romantic passion right into a fiery tango with a secret lover. Women appreciate excitement and intensity as much as men do, and when those things are lost or missing at home, women may seek it out elsewhere.
- Feeling undesired or unattractive – When a partner loses interest or fails to provide adequate attention, women may internalize that into feelings of being unattractive or undesirable. And realistically, no one – man or woman – wants to feel as if their partner isn’t attracted to them and doesn’t desire them. Cheating helps women recapture a feeling of desirability and attractiveness by snaring the attentions of other men.
Understanding the different motivations for cheating between men and women can help you watch for signs that your relationship is headed for trouble of the adulterous kind. Reports estimate that as many as 1/3 of married men and 1/4 of married women cheat while in a marriage. Unfortunately, knowing why people cheat doesn’t erase the pain of discovering someone you love has stepped outside of the relationship.
Bulldog PI specializes in adultery investigations in Myrtle Beach. If you suspect your partner of cheating, we strive to find the answers you need.
